Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Reply to the Toast to the Lassies for Burns Supper held on January 24, 2011

This was my meal...
rather brown, isn't it?
Last year I was asked to give the reply to the toast to the lassies at a Burns supper.  By the end of my speech, I was shaking so badly (the tremors had started in my ankles and worked up) that my wine splashed and sloshed in my glass when I lifted it for the toast - perhaps public speaking is not my forte.  Here is my silly little couplet-filled poem:

Thank you, sir, for the praise in your toast.

It is so nice, and so true! (Though we do hate to boast.)
I guess it is now my turn to take the floor -
Though I'd gladly trade this opportunity to go sit by the door.

You see, one evening last month my Joe to me said,
"Our lodge is having a Burns supper, you're invited."
That's great, I thought, I do like haggis,
And, maybe I'll even get a new dress.

But he wasn't finished talking as I was to learn.
He said, "That toast to the lassies? You'll do the return."
"What!" I screeched and gave my head a shake.
"I have the wrong accent, no tartan - there's been a mistake,"

He grinned and he said, “You'll do fine.
It's only December, you've lots of prep time.”
So I rushed to the internet to search for “replies,”
Confident I'd find something there to advise.

I searched on and on, but try as I might.
Nothing I found seemed quite right.
The advice? Make it light-hearted, maybe rhyme,
Oh, and poke fun at men.  (Something along those lines.)

That's really not helpful I thought in despair,
But, it's all I've got, so let’s see how I fare.
So, here I am about to begin
My few little thoughts on the topic of men:

GPS must have been created by a woman,
Whose man drove in circles never asking for directions.
Oh, but men are great at… household chores!
They take out the garbage and can lay down new floors.

And they can be so handy.  They fix leaking faucets,
Take care of spiders, and steam clean the carpets.
They Bar-B-Que, and they can drive the RV,
And they are really quite skilled at watching sports on TV.

They talk us down when we're furious 
They make us laugh when we're too serious.
They are kind, generous and patient -
Even driving their mothers-in-law to doctor's appointments

Ahhh... there is something about our kilted rogues,
And the package is even better when topped with a Scottish brogue,
The sight of them sets our hearts all a-flutter,
Even when they're pacing, saying “Let's go, we're late,” and other little mutters.

So, ladies, please join me and stand.
Now, take your drink up in your hand.
Let's toast our men, our wonderful treasures,
Who give us such happiness, laughter and pleasures.                              

To the men!

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