Sunday, March 18, 2012

Six Sentence Sunday - Unavoidable Legacies #1

This is my first kick at Six Sentence Sunday. (Who knew participating in this would give me such sweaty palms?)  Anyway, here is an excerpt from one of my older Works in Progress called Unavoidable Legacies.  I pulled it out recently to see if I could rewrite, slash, and/or edit it into something better. 

These six sentences are from the prologue.  It is a scene between two secondary characters, whose activities set the rest of the book in motion.  I always enjoyed the prologue, but was never sure it'd make the final draft.

Here are my six:
*****
“Don’t lie to me!” Grace punctuated her point with a slap across John's face.  She had done it deliberately – some way to get a reaction from her suddenly stoic lover.  Her fingers tingled as she waited.  Normally he would have grabbed her arm before she made contact and they would be smothering their anger with a hot embrace by now. 
When he remained controlled and distant, her chest tightened, sending her breath and all of her hope rushing from her body. 
*****

What is Six Sentence Sunday
  1. Pick six (6) sentences from anything you like (it can be from a Work in Progress (WIP), something you recently sold, something you hope to sell or even something already under contract and available for purchase).
  2. Sign up on the Six Sentence Sunday website. 
  3. Then post your sentences on your blog on Sunday.
If you have a Twitter account, you can add the #sixsunday hashtag to your tweets when you link to your SSS post. 

Check out the other participating writers and their sentences at http://www.sixsunday.com/.  There are some great snippets! 

*****

Thank you for stopping by and reading my post! 

I'd love to hear from you about this excerpt!  What do you think?

62 comments:

Guilie said...

Nice six, Lorraine! Lots of emotion here, and her hopelessness at his lack of reaction comes through clearly--almost too clearly. I felt it, too. Sounds like a compelling story--best of luck with the rewrite. And welcome to Six Sentence Sunday!

Jessica K said...

Even though it's only six sentences, I get the full emotion impact of the whole situation. Well done!

patonlorraine said...

Thank you, Guilie!

patonlorraine said...

Thank you, Jessica!

Sarah W said...

Oh . . . that's not a good sign of how this relationship has gone or how long it's likely to go on.

Great six!

Vivien Dean said...

Welcome to SSS! What a great start for you! :)

patonlorraine said...

Thank you, Vivien!

patonlorraine said...

No, it isn't a good sign. :) Thank you for commenting, Sarah!

Sarah Ballance said...

Welcome to SSS! And WOW, what a start! This brings up so many questions, and it definitely tells me something has changed between these two. Awesome hook!

Ursula Grey said...

Really feeling the emotion in this six. Very nice!

Skye Warren said...

She's a violent little lover, isn't she? I'm curious to see what he does next...

Angela Quarles said...

Welcome to SSS! No need for sweaty palms, we're a fun bunch! Great 6, you have great action and I really felt like I was there as she all of a sudden realized that the status quo had changed and what it means to her-- you've captured that moment of sinking realization really well!

Kate said...

Hey, welcome to SSS! I like that phrase "her suddenly stoic lover" and you've got some great tension here. Nice six.

Jennifer Lowery (Kamptner) said...

Welcome to SSS! You're off to a great start with these six! Can't wait to see what he does next!

Siobhan Muir / Meg Palevich said...

Oh so sad. Yep, I think she's lost him. Nicely written six, Lorraine. :)

Paula Martin said...

Wow, great six! I want to know why he's changed.

Candice Bundy said...

No need to sweat it and welcome to SSS Lorraine! :)

I like the despair you've built into these six. We're not sure where they're headed, but we fear for her heartstrings. Nicely done!

Kate said...

Beautiful and sad. Well done Lorraine! And welcome to SSS.

Joanne Stewart said...

Nice tension and emotion in this. Great six.

diannehartsock said...

You have me wondering why he's so angry with her. Nice!

Heather Boyd said...

Nice six. Very emotional. Welcome to the fun of #sixsunday

patonlorraine said...

Thank you, Sarah! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

patonlorraine said...

Thank you, Ursula!

patonlorraine said...

Thank you, Heather! I'm really enjoying SSS. :)

patonlorraine said...

Thanks, Dianne! Actually, he isn't angry with her. He is breaking things off with her to protect her.

patonlorraine said...

Thanks, Joanne!

patonlorraine said...

Thank you, Kate! I'm excited about my first SSS day. :)

patonlorraine said...

Thanks, Candice! I'm really enjoying SSS.

patonlorraine said...

Thanks, Paula! :)

patonlorraine said...

Thank you, Siobhan!

patonlorraine said...

Thank you, Jennifer!

Ranae Rose said...

Tense six! Welcome to SSS. :)

patonlorraine said...

She is a bit of a spit fire. :)

patonlorraine said...

Thank you, Angela! I'm enjoying my first SSS day! :)

patonlorraine said...

Thank you, Kate!

patonlorraine said...

Thank you, Ranae!

Jean Marie Ward said...

A game changing moment, for sure. Great opening Six!

Lynne Murray said...

Welcome to the six Sunday celebration, it's fun but dangerously habit-forming! You're starting off with a very interesting situation, a couple with a dangerous dynamic, and an intriguing hook into the story.

Re prologues, in my experience, they may or may not turn up in the finished book, and the beginning is probably going to be rewritten more than any other part. But knowing what set things in motion can be helpful to get the story going.

Sandra Sookoo said...

Nice angry scene :-)

patonlorraine said...

Thank you, Jean Marie!

patonlorraine said...

Thanks, Lynne! Yes, I can see how Six Sunday could be addictive! :)

I read prologues, but I know a lot of people who don't. So, I'm on the fence. I guess I'll have to see how this story plays out.

patonlorraine said...

Thanks, Sandra!

Babette James said...

Very nice first six! Welcome to SSS. :)

Jessica Subject said...

Wow, a fabulous six! I wonder why the sudden change in his behavior.

Welcome to SSS! :)

patonlorraine said...

Thank you, Babette!

patonlorraine said...

Thank you, Jessica!

Sara Walter Ellwood / Cera duBois said...

Welcome to SSS

Great six! I want to know more....

patonlorraine said...

Thank you, Sara! I'm glad you enjoyed them. :)

Donna Cummings said...

I like this -- especially the "suddenly stoic" description -- and the hope rushing from her body kinda deflated me too!

I started with Six Sentence Sunday last week, and I already look forward to it more than I should. :)

patonlorraine said...

Thanks, Donna!

I can understand your perspective on SSS! I'm already looking forward to next Sunday. :)

patonlorraine said...

Thank you to everyone who stopped by to read my six today! I loved your comments!

I'm already looking forward to next Sunday. :)

Zee Monodee said...

Welcome to SSS, Lorraine! Beware - it gets very, very addictive! :)

Loved your excerpt, and if these are secondary characters, then I wonder what sort of explosive stuff you have in store for us where the main protagonists are concerned! Great job, I definitely look forward to reading more!

readmoore.com said...

I was sick yesterday so just catching up on the sixes! Glad I found this one! Awesome job!

Cate Masters said...

Definitely a warning signal. A red flag went up in my head! Excellent teaser.

patonlorraine said...

Thanks, Cate!

patonlorraine said...

Aw, thanks! :)

patonlorraine said...

Thanks, Zee!

Explosive, hey? Hmmm, I'll have to think about that. :)

Lucy Felthouse said...

Welcome to SSS! Great six!

patonlorraine said...

Thanks, Lucy! :)

Pippa Jay said...

Not holding much back, is she? :-P

melyndaprice said...

Great emotion in this six!

Eleri Stone said...

So curious to know what led to this explosive moment. Welcome to SSS:D