Sunday, March 25, 2012

Six Sentence Sunday: Unavoidable Legacies #2

I participated in my first Six Sentence Sunday last weekend.  Wow!  What fun!  I can see how this might become addictive. 

Thank you to everyone for stopping by and commenting on my post last week!  I appreciate it!  I was grinning for two days.  :)

So, I'm back for another week. 

This is an excerpt from that same older Work in Progress, Unavoidable Legacies

These six sentences are also from the prologue.  Like I mentioned last week, this is a scene between two secondary characters, whose activities set the rest of the book in motion.  Last week, we had a six lines in Grace's point of view.  John and Grace were fighting. 

Unable to get the reaction she wants from John, Grace jumps into her car and speeds away.  A moment later, her car flies off the snowy road and into the lake.
Here are my six from John's POV:

*****
          He had killed her.  If he'd been driving Grace’s sports car when the useless thing had broken through the barrier and crashed into the icy lake, then no one would question his confession.   As it was, no one would listen to him. 
          John leaned against the silent ambulance and watched the grim-faced emergency crew try to find her in the murky depths.  Why was it taking so long?  
          With each passing moment, John's body grew increasingly numb until he was sure he could follow Grace, plunge into that same dark water, and not feel a bloody thing.  

 *****


What is Six Sentence Sunday?

  1. Pick six (6) sentences from anything you like (it can be from a Work in Progress (WIP), something you recently sold, something you hope to sell or even something already under contract and available for purchase).
  2. Sign up on the Six Sentence Sunday website.
  3. Then post your sentences on your blog on Sunday.
If you have a Twitter account, you can add the #sixsunday hashtag to your tweets when you link to your SSS post.

Check out the other fabulous writers and their sentences at http://www.sixsunday.com/. There are some great snippets!



*****

Thank you for stopping by and reading my post!

I'd love to hear from you about this excerpt! What do you think?

78 comments:

ileandrayoung.com said...

Powerful six. Wow, poor sod!

angelaquarles.com said...

Intriguing 6!

Kate said...

Love that last sentence. Very evocative six!

Kate said...

That is so gripping! Very good!

Carmen DeSousa said...

Oh, how sad...but I like sad...to start anyway. Nice to have you in SSS. ;)

sue said...

wow - poor guy - thanks for the visit. By the way my six are in 3rd POV...

Maggie Marlow said...

I loved it. It was very powerful.

Sarah Ballance said...

Wow, is she really dead? OMG! His pain is beautifully portrayed here. I especially love the last sentence!

Karen de Lange said...

Brilliant - very visceral, especially the last sentence.

Sandra Sookoo said...

Poor guy. Nice six :-)

Jessica Subject said...

Wow, I can really feel his guilt. Great six! :)

Ursula Grey said...

Very smooth, yet suspenseful...You have a style that easily draws the reader in. Nice!

Siobhan Muir / Meg Palevich said...

Wow, intense six, Lorraine. :)

Jessica K said...

I hope they cant find her because she swam away... Your opening has quite a hook!

Devin said...

Good six. The numbness and guilt are well portrayed in such a small snippet.

Sarah W said...

And this is the prologue? Can't wait to see where this can go from here!

christine warner said...

That was an intense and emotional six! Loved it :)

Karysa Faire said...

So sad. :-( Excellent snippet.

And yes, SSS is very addictive!

Jenna said...

Powerful emotions beautifully portrayed. Excellent six.

Donna Cummings said...

I really liked this, and want to know more. :) I'm finding this Six Sentence Sunday thing very addictive too!

Vivien Dean said...

So much angst and sadness in this! Well done. :)

Claire Gillian said...

Oh, so tragic. His body numbing angst is very nicely conveyed in the six. And welcome back for your second go round!

Lynne Murray said...

Welcome back for another week, Wow, a powerful scene!

Eleri Stone said...

Oh, no. That's awful. Your description of his reaction is perfect. Like that last line especially.

patonlorraine said...

Thank you so much!

Heather Boyd said...

Such a raw emotional moment well written. Great six.

patonlorraine said...

Thanks, Angela!

patonlorraine said...

Thank you, Kate!

patonlorraine said...

Thanks, Kate! :)

patonlorraine said...

Thank you, Carmen! I admit, the prologue is a sad... but things start to turn around (hopefully) when the main characters arrive. :)

patonlorraine said...

Thanks, Sue! I'll go and check out your six again...

patonlorraine said...

Thanks, Maggie! You should think about participating in this! It is fun! :)

patonlorraine said...

Thank you, Sarah!

patonlorraine said...

Thank you, Karen! :)

patonlorraine said...

Thanks, Sandra!

patonlorraine said...

Thanks, Jessica!

patonlorraine said...

Thank you so much, Ursula! That is so nice to hear! :)

patonlorraine said...

Thank you, Siobhan!

Sabrina Garie said...

Wonderful six. You can really feel John's angst. Glad I stopped by. Will be looking for more.

patonlorraine said...

Unfortunately, no... but I'm beginning to think we haven't seen the last of her. ;) (It might be part of my rewrites.)
Thanks for stopping by!

patonlorraine said...

Thanks, Devin!

patonlorraine said...

Thank you, Sarah!

patonlorraine said...

Thank you so much, Christine!

patonlorraine said...

Thank you, Karysa. :) I love reading everyone's snippets and getting such great comments.

patonlorraine said...

Thank you so much, Jenna!

patonlorraine said...

Thank you, Donna! I'm really enjoying reading everyone's six and receiving such great feedback

patonlorraine said...

Thank you, Vivien!

patonlorraine said...

Thank you, Claire! :)

patonlorraine said...

Thank you, Lynne!

patonlorraine said...

Thank you, Eleri! :)

patonlorraine said...

Thank you so much, Heather!

patonlorraine said...

Thank you, Sabrina! That is so nice to hear! :)

Chantel Rhondeau said...

Wow! Awesomely intense six. This is terrific.

We are both newbies at Six Sentence Sunday. This was my 3rd week. Thanks for looking at mine. It's nice to "meet" you. I'll be looking forward to reading more.

diannehartsock said...

Regret can be a terrible thing to live with. I hope they find her okay somewhere on the shore! I'm worried about both of them.

Michelle Pickett said...

I loved your six! I could feel his despair and visualize the scene. Excellent job.

Michelle
www.michelle-pickett.com/blog

Liz Fielding said...

Wonderfully intense, Lorraine. Congratulations.

Elin Gregory said...

You're setting up a very intense scene there. I really feel for poor John and desperately want to know more now.

Sue Ann Bowling said...

Nice evocation of guilt--which isn't always logical.

maeclair said...

Wonderful, six! I feel his sense of bleakness as he watches the scene play out. Well done. I'm a newbie at SSS too, having only done my first. Thanks for checking it out, Lorraine. Nice to "meet" you! :-)

Pippa Jay said...

I can feel his guilt, but is he really responsible or just believeing he is?

Cate Masters said...

Chilling and intense! Excellent suspense, and great teaser.

Silver James said...

I'm late getting around to checking everyone's Six Sentences, but wow, this one was definitely worth waiting for! Great scene setting, mood setting, and terrific insight into John's psyche. And this is a secondary character? Wow!

Jean Marie Ward said...

Very dramatic moment. Great choice of six!

patonlorraine said...

Thank you so much, Silver! :)

patonlorraine said...

Thank you, Jean Marie!

patonlorraine said...

Thank you, Cate. I wrote this a few years ago... it was my first kick at Romantic Suspense. :)

patonlorraine said...

No, he isn't really responsible. Just feeling really guilty because he'd just broken it off with her, so she was upset when she ended up driving into the lake.

patonlorraine said...

Thanks for stopping by, Chantel! It is nice to "meet" you too! :)

patonlorraine said...

Thanks, Dianne. Yes, both John and Grace are in a horrible situation...

patonlorraine said...

Thanks, Michelle! I appreciate your comments. :)

patonlorraine said...

Thank you, Liz! :)

patonlorraine said...

Yes, the prologue is very intense... I'm still not sure about keeping it in the final draft...

patonlorraine said...

Thank you, Sue Ann!

patonlorraine said...

Thank you for stopping by too, Mae! You are welcome! And, it is nice to "meet" you too! :)

Elin Gregory said...

It can work really well to start a story with a bang. You just have to remember to follow it up with an even bigger one later :) and knock the readers' emotional socks off!

Gayle said...

Crikey, very tense snippet!

patonlorraine said...

Thanks for stopping by and commenting, Gayle! :)

Teresa Cypher aka T K CypherBuss said...

Another good six, Lorraine! Great imagery. I can see the accident scene, feel his nearly numb (shock) and guilty frame of mind, it still left questions I wanted answered. Good work...