Saturday, October 13, 2012

Awakening A Witch #2: Six Sentence Sunday

Last week, I shared the opening six sentences from my work-in-progress Awakening A Witch (historical paranormal romance).

(Image: © Guy Shapira | Dreamstime.com)
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Set Up:  This excerpt is from the same scene as last week's, but a few pages later. Mattie is speaking with Clarence Higgs, her sister's husband. 

My Six: (Clarence speaks first)

          "See, Miss Townsend?"  Clarence leaned closer, so his shoulder was against hers again.  She inched away.  He pointed at an obscure line on the creased map he'd been studying.  "There should be a ruin here, and that -" he punctuated his words with a flick of his finger against the paper "- is the last place the gold was seen."
          "You showed me your map this morning, sir, and I still do not see the great mystery."    

Thank you for stopping by to check out my six!  I hope you enjoyed them. 

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86 comments:

Jessica Subject said...

A very intriguing six! :)

Ana said...

I like the ever-so-slight sassiness along with the "sir".

karen Y. bynum said...

Great 6! Where's the gold? :)

Carrie Crain Books said...

Snicker>> "You showed me your map this morning." LOL.

Sarah W said...

Do I sense a certain creepiness in her brother-in-law?

Very nice characterizations!

Sandra Sookoo said...

sounds like an awesome book :-)

Vivien Dean said...

Personal space, buddy. Especially since you're married. Well done!

Claire Gillian said...

Definitely getting an uncomfortable vibe between heroine and her BIL. Makes me wonder, that's for sure.

Veronica Scott said...

Hmm, clearly I need to know more - effective excerpt!

Karysa Faire said...

Great job with tone in just six short sentences.

sue said...

I like your style lady :D

Sadie Hart said...

Oh, intriguing! Makes me wonder where the gold is, but more importantly, why he's so intent on repeating himself.

Siobhan Muir said...

Great way to put him in his place, Lorraine. Great six. :)

Paula Martin said...

Intriguing six! I like the way she inches away from him- one action like that is better than a hundred words!

patonlorraine said...

Thanks, Jessica! :)

patonlorraine said...

:) Yes, Mattie tries to remind him that he should be keeping his distance... not that he pays any attention, though.

patonlorraine said...

Tee hee. If only we knew now what we'll find out later... ;)

patonlorraine said...

LOL - Carrie! You crack me up.

patonlorraine said...

Yes - Clarence is certainly creepy. Thanks, Sarah! :)

patonlorraine said...

Aw, thank you, Sandra! :)

patonlorraine said...

Thank you, Vivien! I'm glad Clarence's true character came through in these 6. :)

patonlorraine said...

Thanks, Claire! Yes - things are a little skewed in Clarence's world. I feel badly for the heroine's sister. :)

patonlorraine said...

Thank you, Veronica! I had about three excerpts I was deciding between. It was a hard choice! ;)

patonlorraine said...

Thank you so much, Karysa! :)

patonlorraine said...

LOL - thanks, Sue! :)

patonlorraine said...

Clarence is a bit obsessed. ;)
Thanks, Sadie!

patonlorraine said...

Yes, but does it work? :) Thanks, Siobhan!

patonlorraine said...

Thanks, Paula! :) I'm glad you liked it.

Sarah Ballance said...

I have to admit, I giggled a little because that last line would make a GREAT euphemism. But my filthy mind aside, LOL, I love what you've done with this six. Her body language -- and his -- is so telling!

S. J. Maylee said...

Fabulous characters. Your word choice, choreography, and dialogue show this scene very well. That last line is simply fantastic.

Evelyn Jules said...

First off, I love the title! Great set-up for a story! I'm definitely intrigued! :)

Maggie said...

He's crowding her a bit and it's making her uncomfortable. I like the way that came through here. Great six!

Jess Schira said...

I'm very curious about how the map and the pendent from last week's SSS are connected. I'm intriqued.

Taryn Kincaid said...

Great interplay between these two. Wonderful way to show how she sees him.

Sandra Bunino said...

Sounds like a great story!

angelaquarles.com said...

Oooh, this sounds intriguing! And I love old maps!

Jennifer Wilck said...

Okay, she might not see the mystery, but I do! Looking forward to reading more.

Joanne Stewart said...

I too am very intrigued by this! By her reaction to him, and what it is they're looking for. Terrific six!

sabrinagarie.com said...

Great nuance in the conversation. Another writer of witches, a woman after my own heart. Fun six Lorraine.

laniseb said...

Lovely six, Lorraine. I'd like to find out what mystery awaits them. ;)

Donna Cummings said...

Oooh, he's a creepy one! I'm looking forward to discovering where that gold is. :) Nice six!

Heather Boyd said...

Great details in that scene. That's one determined fellow.

Sara Walter Ellwood / Cera duBois said...

Love the details... Awesome six. Love that last line.

Gem Sivad said...

Oh I do like a mystery and if it includes hidden gold and a witch,too... Great six!

Jenna said...

She needs to watch out for this guy. Her BIL shouldn't be THAT close! He seems slimy. But the map and gold sound intriguing.

Cara Bristol said...

I like the voice of the piece. I admire anyone who can write historical and make it sound authentic. Great job.

Tonya Burrows said...

Mystery and gold and a witch? How intriguing. I've always liked historicals, but no way could I ever write one. Nice job!

Patricia Preston said...

Love the concept of witches and gold! I know it is gonna be great!

Sue Ann Bowling said...

A map to hidden treasure?

gemma parkes said...

They're great opening lines Lorraine! Definitely makes me curious.

K.E. Saxon said...

Uh oh, a masher brother-in-law with a get-rich-quick scheme. Love it. Great six!

Eleri Stone said...

Treasure map? *perks*

The Belle in Blue said...

Ah, the tension builds! Enjoyed this six. BTW, my middle name is Lorraine. ;-)

~Joyce Scarbrough

elingregory said...

It sounds as though Clarence is pushing his luck a bit. Inasion of personal space on poor grounds. :) Nice six.

J.M. Blackman said...

I love Miss Townsend's tone, along with Clarence's pushiness. They seem to have a chemistry that's going to make for lovely page turning drama. ;)

Pippa Jay said...

Love the emphatic flick of his fingers.

Ryan Derham said...

Ha! I smell a scheme! ;) Great 6!

patonlorraine said...

LOL. Thanks, Sarah!

patonlorraine said...

Thank you so much, SJ! :)

patonlorraine said...

Thanks, Evelyn! It was a fun story to write.

patonlorraine said...

Thanks, Maggie. He is certainly making her uncomfortable.

patonlorraine said...

;) Thanks, Jess. Hint: one is a subplot (albeit, an integral one) to the other.

patonlorraine said...

Thanks, Taryn! She definately doesn't have a high opinion of him - glad it came through! :)

patonlorraine said...

Aw, thanks, Sandra! I enjoyed writing it, so I'm glad to hear it sounds interesting to others.

patonlorraine said...

:) Thanks, Angela! I have an old map that I need to hang on my office wall - so I love them too!

patonlorraine said...

LOL! I think she is sceptical of Clarence's ability to find something valid. :)

patonlorraine said...

Aw, thanks, Joanne! :)

patonlorraine said...

Thanks, Sabrina! Witches are currently my favorite paranormal to write. I have a few stories awaiting editing. So much potential and variation. :)

patonlorraine said...

Thank you! Mattie has a lot to discover too! :)

patonlorraine said...

LOL! Yes - definately creepy! :) Thanks, Donna!

patonlorraine said...

Thanks, Heather! Clarence does have a single-mindedness about his personal goals... :)

patonlorraine said...

Aw, thanks, Sara! :)

patonlorraine said...

Thanks, Gem! Their story was a lot of fun to write. :)

patonlorraine said...

LOL. He IS slimy! Luckily, the hero is coming soon. :)

patonlorraine said...

Thank you, Cara! It is nice to hear that this snippet worked! :)

patonlorraine said...

I am a little intimidated by historicals too, but this one begged to be written. ;)
Thanks, Tonya!

patonlorraine said...

Aw, thanks, Pat! :)

patonlorraine said...

A map to something no one expects perhaps... ;)

patonlorraine said...

Tanks, Gemma! That's great to hear! :)

patonlorraine said...

Yes! Exactly! I'm excited that came through in these six! :)

patonlorraine said...

LOL. :)

patonlorraine said...

Thanks, Joyce *Lorraine*! ;)

patonlorraine said...

Thanks, Elin! Clarence can be a bit obnoxious.

patonlorraine said...

Aw, thanks, JM! :)

patonlorraine said...

Thanks, Pippa! :)

patonlorraine said...

LOL! Thanks, Ryan! :)