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Set Up: This excerpt is from the same scene as last week's, but a few pages later. Mattie is speaking with Clarence Higgs, her sister's husband.
My Six: (Clarence speaks first)
"See, Miss Townsend?" Clarence leaned closer, so his shoulder was against hers again. She inched away. He pointed at an obscure line on the creased map he'd been studying. "There should be a ruin here, and that -" he punctuated his words with a flick of his finger against the paper "- is the last place the gold was seen."
"You showed me your map this morning, sir, and I still do not see the great mystery."
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*****
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86 comments:
A very intriguing six! :)
I like the ever-so-slight sassiness along with the "sir".
Great 6! Where's the gold? :)
Snicker>> "You showed me your map this morning." LOL.
Do I sense a certain creepiness in her brother-in-law?
Very nice characterizations!
sounds like an awesome book :-)
Personal space, buddy. Especially since you're married. Well done!
Definitely getting an uncomfortable vibe between heroine and her BIL. Makes me wonder, that's for sure.
Hmm, clearly I need to know more - effective excerpt!
Great job with tone in just six short sentences.
I like your style lady :D
Oh, intriguing! Makes me wonder where the gold is, but more importantly, why he's so intent on repeating himself.
Great way to put him in his place, Lorraine. Great six. :)
Intriguing six! I like the way she inches away from him- one action like that is better than a hundred words!
Thanks, Jessica! :)
:) Yes, Mattie tries to remind him that he should be keeping his distance... not that he pays any attention, though.
Tee hee. If only we knew now what we'll find out later... ;)
LOL - Carrie! You crack me up.
Yes - Clarence is certainly creepy. Thanks, Sarah! :)
Aw, thank you, Sandra! :)
Thank you, Vivien! I'm glad Clarence's true character came through in these 6. :)
Thanks, Claire! Yes - things are a little skewed in Clarence's world. I feel badly for the heroine's sister. :)
Thank you, Veronica! I had about three excerpts I was deciding between. It was a hard choice! ;)
Thank you so much, Karysa! :)
LOL - thanks, Sue! :)
Clarence is a bit obsessed. ;)
Thanks, Sadie!
Yes, but does it work? :) Thanks, Siobhan!
Thanks, Paula! :) I'm glad you liked it.
I have to admit, I giggled a little because that last line would make a GREAT euphemism. But my filthy mind aside, LOL, I love what you've done with this six. Her body language -- and his -- is so telling!
Fabulous characters. Your word choice, choreography, and dialogue show this scene very well. That last line is simply fantastic.
First off, I love the title! Great set-up for a story! I'm definitely intrigued! :)
He's crowding her a bit and it's making her uncomfortable. I like the way that came through here. Great six!
I'm very curious about how the map and the pendent from last week's SSS are connected. I'm intriqued.
Great interplay between these two. Wonderful way to show how she sees him.
Sounds like a great story!
Oooh, this sounds intriguing! And I love old maps!
Okay, she might not see the mystery, but I do! Looking forward to reading more.
I too am very intrigued by this! By her reaction to him, and what it is they're looking for. Terrific six!
Great nuance in the conversation. Another writer of witches, a woman after my own heart. Fun six Lorraine.
Lovely six, Lorraine. I'd like to find out what mystery awaits them. ;)
Oooh, he's a creepy one! I'm looking forward to discovering where that gold is. :) Nice six!
Great details in that scene. That's one determined fellow.
Love the details... Awesome six. Love that last line.
Oh I do like a mystery and if it includes hidden gold and a witch,too... Great six!
She needs to watch out for this guy. Her BIL shouldn't be THAT close! He seems slimy. But the map and gold sound intriguing.
I like the voice of the piece. I admire anyone who can write historical and make it sound authentic. Great job.
Mystery and gold and a witch? How intriguing. I've always liked historicals, but no way could I ever write one. Nice job!
Love the concept of witches and gold! I know it is gonna be great!
A map to hidden treasure?
They're great opening lines Lorraine! Definitely makes me curious.
Uh oh, a masher brother-in-law with a get-rich-quick scheme. Love it. Great six!
Treasure map? *perks*
Ah, the tension builds! Enjoyed this six. BTW, my middle name is Lorraine. ;-)
~Joyce Scarbrough
It sounds as though Clarence is pushing his luck a bit. Inasion of personal space on poor grounds. :) Nice six.
I love Miss Townsend's tone, along with Clarence's pushiness. They seem to have a chemistry that's going to make for lovely page turning drama. ;)
Love the emphatic flick of his fingers.
Ha! I smell a scheme! ;) Great 6!
LOL. Thanks, Sarah!
Thank you so much, SJ! :)
Thanks, Evelyn! It was a fun story to write.
Thanks, Maggie. He is certainly making her uncomfortable.
;) Thanks, Jess. Hint: one is a subplot (albeit, an integral one) to the other.
Thanks, Taryn! She definately doesn't have a high opinion of him - glad it came through! :)
Aw, thanks, Sandra! I enjoyed writing it, so I'm glad to hear it sounds interesting to others.
:) Thanks, Angela! I have an old map that I need to hang on my office wall - so I love them too!
LOL! I think she is sceptical of Clarence's ability to find something valid. :)
Aw, thanks, Joanne! :)
Thanks, Sabrina! Witches are currently my favorite paranormal to write. I have a few stories awaiting editing. So much potential and variation. :)
Thank you! Mattie has a lot to discover too! :)
LOL! Yes - definately creepy! :) Thanks, Donna!
Thanks, Heather! Clarence does have a single-mindedness about his personal goals... :)
Aw, thanks, Sara! :)
Thanks, Gem! Their story was a lot of fun to write. :)
LOL. He IS slimy! Luckily, the hero is coming soon. :)
Thank you, Cara! It is nice to hear that this snippet worked! :)
I am a little intimidated by historicals too, but this one begged to be written. ;)
Thanks, Tonya!
Aw, thanks, Pat! :)
A map to something no one expects perhaps... ;)
Tanks, Gemma! That's great to hear! :)
Yes! Exactly! I'm excited that came through in these six! :)
LOL. :)
Thanks, Joyce *Lorraine*! ;)
Thanks, Elin! Clarence can be a bit obnoxious.
Aw, thanks, JM! :)
Thanks, Pippa! :)
LOL! Thanks, Ryan! :)
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